If you view conflict as something that should not happen, something that harms relationships, it becomes negative. And then avoid it and hope it would go away. But if you see conflict as a fact of life, an opportunity to strengthen relationships, you have a way to resolving conflict by turning it into something creative.
Try these 10 ways to resolve conflict:
1. Agree on a mutually acceptable time and place to discuss the conflict.
2. State the problem as you see it and list your concerns.
- Make “I” statements.
- Withhold judgments, accusations, and absolute statements (“always” or “never”).
- Do not interrupt or contradict.
- Do not allow name-calling, put-downs, threats, obscenities, yelling or intimidatingbehavior.
- Ask fact-based questions (who? where? what? when? how?) to make sure you understand the situation.
- Ask exploratory questions (what if? what are you saying? is this the only solution to your problem? what if did such and such? are there other alternatives to this situation?).
- Avoid accusatory “why” questions (why are you like that?).
- Use your own words to restate what you think the other person means and wants.
- Acknowledge person’s feelings and perceptions.
- Do not change the subject or allow it to be changed. (“I understand your concern but I’d like to finish what we’re talking about at the moment before we discuss it.”)
- What do you agree on.
- What are your shared concerns.
8. Request behavior changes only
- Do not ask others to change their attitudes.
- Do not ask them to “feel” differently about something.
- Do not ask them to “be” different.
- If you want them to “stop doing” something, suggest an alternative solution.
- Who will do what by when?
